Hold up. She’s 25 and he’s 32….if they’ve been together for 8 years then they met when she was 17 and he was 24….He needs the electric chair
@ everyone in the notes that think the age gap isn’t a problem
Just to spell it out for those who still don’t get it: He was an adult, and she was a minor 7 years younger than him. Even if we would look over the fact that this legally counts as pedophilic behavior in a lot of countries, the age difference is exactly what gave him the power to be so manipulative later on in their relationship. But you know, just let it sink in that the start was still fucking creepy and disgusting. I’m in my midtwenties. 17 year olds address me with Mister, Sir and the formal form of you in Dutch. If I had done a different study I could’ve been their teacher, after having finished college. That’s how large of a difference these 7 years are: They are in completely different phases of their life. I understand that maybe he made a bad judgment when guessing her age when he was initially attracted to her, that much I could believe, but when you (in your midtwenties, at the end of or even after college) discover that the person you approached is literally and legally still a child, you get away. You don’t pursue. You accept that you fucked up and move on. THAT is what is normal and expected behavior.
Think about why this man didn’t move on. Think about what made him decide to continue their relationship. It wasn’t just love or even lust.
He’s got 6 years of experience being a legal adult, while she hasn’t even started adulthood yet. The reason he thinks he gets to tell her what her hair should be like, and the reason she is asking for help here instead of immediately realizing this is dangerous behavior she should end the relationship for, is probably because he has been doing and saying similar things for their entire relationship. She’s not experienced legal adult agency without him being there as her guidance telling how to do things.
Now, 8 years into their relationship, 2 years into their marriage, she does realize that a threatening divorce over a hair color is a bit too much, but someone doesn’t just come up with these kind of threats out of nowhere. He’s done this for a long time, gradually testing his limits, and he’s gone too far this time which made her notice. How much manipulation do you think she missed?
“I am a white woman. I am standing beside a black woman. We are facing a group of white people who are seated in front of us. We are in their workplace, and have been hired by their employer to lead them in a dialogue about race. The room is filled with tension and charged with hostility. I have just presented a definition of racism that includes the acknowledgment that whites hold social and institutional power over people of color. A white man is pounding his fist on the table. His face is red and he is furious. As he pounds he yells, “White people have been discriminated against for 25 years! A white person can’t get a job anymore!” I look around the room and see 40 employed people, all white. There are no people of color in this workplace. Something is happening here, and it isn’t based in the racial reality of the workplace. I am feeling unnerved by this man’s disconnection with that reality, and his lack of sensitivity to the impact this is having on my cofacilitator, the only person of color in the room. Why is this white man so angry? Why is he being so careless about the impact of his anger? Why are all the other
white people either sitting in silent agreement with him or tuning out? We have, after all, only articulated a definition of racism.”
—
This insulated environment of racial protection builds white expectations for racial comfort while at the same time lowering the ability to tolerate racial stress, leading to what I refer to as White Fragility. White Fragility is a state in which even a minimum amount of racial stress becomes intolerable, triggering a range of defensive moves. These moves include the outward display of emotions such as anger, fear, and guilt, and behaviors such as argumentation, silence, and leaving the stress-inducing situation. These behaviors, in turn, function to reinstate white racial equilibrium.
There are a hundred and seventy-eight laws that differentiate on the basis of sex. Women can’t work overtime. We have to get credit cards in our husbands names. We’re not allowed to work in the mines. This is a man’s world.
You think you can change the country? You should look to her generation. They’re taking to the streets. Protests are important, but changing the culture it means nothing if the law doesn’t change.
Who did you say your name was? Ruth Bader Ginsburg.
